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Do you know the No. 1 predictor of divorce?
The No. 1 predictor of divorce is contempt by one or both spouses.
Early signs of a likely divorce are criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Contempt is the most destructive because it shows disrespect and a lack of admiration for a partner through behaviors like sarcasm, name-calling, eye-rolling, and mockery.
Certainly, if you’re emerging from a divorce or still suffering from one, this is a very emotional time for you. What’s more, many women still face a glass ceiling in employment.
Life is tough for divorced moms. It’s even tougher for divorced moms who have to manage their careers and children. Finances are a challenge, but not impossible if you strategize properly.
Finances are a challenge, but not impossible if you strategize properly.
My parents divorced when I was three. My father was a hero in World War II fighting the Japanese in bloody hand-to-hand combat. He came home suffering from what is now called post-traumatic stress disorder and died at an early age in a VA hospital. Having been raised by a young, single mom, I’ve seen the difficulties firsthand. There was no alimony, child support, food stamps or welfare.
She, my brother and I survived by her tenacity and careful planning. Despite her financial roller coaster, she managed to buy a home her own when I was 8. It was across the street from an elementary school so my brother and I could walk to school. She rode the bus to work and grocery shopping until she could buy a car.
It’s worth noting she shrewedly saved money and put off purchases until she could pay cash. She had a knack for picking houses that appreciated quite high in value. Years went by before the third house was fully furnished. Despite her struggles, she never stopped supporting us. She encouraged my brother and me to study and engage in hobbies and sports.
She only had a high school education, but I was encouraged to attend college. Over the years from profits in selling houses, she was able to buy more expensive houses and cars each time. She happily retired and paid cash to a contractor for a new house on scenic Oregon acreage. She was still a strong-minded woman when she passed away at the age of 94. I learned a lot about life from her.
In experiencing financial hardship, she wasn’t alone. In a sense, she was fortunate to be a product of the Great Depression. She intimately knew the meaning in Benjamin Franklin’s quote: “A penny saved is a penny earned.”
She intimately knew the meaning in Benjamin Franklin’s quote: “A penny saved is a penny earned.”
Nowadays, the U.S Census Bureau indicates a woman’s income plummets 37 percent after divorce. The problem is made worse when you consider data from the Bureau of Labor statistics – women are only paid 77 percent of what men are compensated.
Frankly with a lack of public and private resources, life was even tougher for single moms when my mom was young, so she privately shook her head in disapproval when she saw people with attitudes of entitlement.
To overcome your financial hardship, here are four planning tips:
1. Take baby steps and start looking for a financial advisor – If you’re careful, you’ll soon start setting aside some money. Only listen to an objective advisor or counselor who will not profit from your savings, investments or retirement account.
If you can’t afford to pay a fee to an advisor, look for a quality free service. Even better, find a female mentor you can trust. Someone who is successful and has what you want for yourself and your family. The best mentors will help you for free.
Even better, find a female mentor you can trust.
Set up a budget, use computer software to keep track of your money and use your credit union or bank’s online system for bill-paying.
2. Start a rainy day fund – Do your best to set aside enough money that will cover your expenses for six to 12 months. Put the money in an account that you can draw from later, if necessary, for emergencies. If you’re contemplating purchases, remember – first things, first – when it’s not necessary, don’t.
3. Fund a retirement account – To quote the wise man, “It ain’t how much you make, it’s how much you bring home.” If you rent, try to buy a small home and trade up to better houses as you develop equity and earn more money.
True, it won’t be easy, but save as much as you can to contribute to a 401(k). Hopefully, you’ll find an employer – offering a company-sponsored retirement plan – who will match your contributions.
4. Constantly evaluate your financials – Conditions change. Fine-tune your situation whenever necessary. If you stay balanced emotionally and focused, your financial situation will improve.
So treat your situation as an adventure. Make it a game to save money, and some day you’ll look back and will forget about the struggles. You’ll be self confident and will treasure your successes.
From the Coach’s Corner, be sure to read the six values for financial protection.
If you use all the tips, you can avoid having to wait in line at soup kitchens.
“What’s a soup kitchen?”
-Paris Hilton
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